Wakes up with a wild man Badun. Staggering to the kitchen is. He opened the taps, guzzles, then:.
- My wife! .
Little Johnny was sitting in class and quietly leafing through a magazine with Arshavin on the cover. The teacher calls him to the board: ' Tell me, who have the most famous person in the country? '.
- ' Of course, Arshavin! '.
- ' Wrong! .
The next day, she again raises Vovochku with the same question.
He says: ' The President '.
' That's right, Little Johnny, well done! '.
Little Johnny sits down, pulls out a magazine and whispers Arshavin: ' Sorry, old man, nothing personal, just business. '.
A few months after the wedding, the daughter asks her mother:.
- How is your husband?.
- Excellent! .
- So, you demand too little.
At a football match in the audience asked the boy:.
- Where did you get the money for such an expensive ticket?.
- My father bought. - And where is now the father?.
- Probably looking for a ticket home.
The little boy calls the emergency services:.
- Ale! .
Judging by the moans - my aunt was wounded!.
Question:.
How to divide the 0.8 l. Vodka for 3 people.
A:.
Pour each of 100g. and the problem reduces to the standard.
There is a lecture about the dangers of alcohol.
- There are many cases - says lecturer - when the wife leaves her husband, who drinks.
A voice from the audience:.
- And how to do this, have a drink?.
Daty guy walking down the street and turns to the first comer passer:.
- Man, do you drink?.
- No, what?.
- Hold a bubble Then I shoelace tie.
- I have a daughter usually stops crying when her breasts to.
- I'd also stopped!.
- The sex hormone - the most powerful hallucinogen!.
- Justify.
- Before you bitch ordinary, and he shows you a sweet and gentle creature.
Very tired and concerned a young mom is constantly crying child, at a reception at the pediatrician cries:.
- Doctor, tell against it have any money?.
The doctor calmly replied:.
- Yes, birth control.
A young girl and an old woman came to the doctor.
Doctor girlfriend:.
- Undress.
Girl:.
- Yes, it's not me, and my grandmother became ill.
Dr. grandmother:.
- Well, then say ' A'.
Boss of the slave:.
- No, I know that you are sleeping on the job, but wear your pajamas - it's already too!.
Half of the women and men sonevayutsya in its second half.
Especially the lower and especially when they drink.
Georgians look at her child, that all the hairy, hairy, and asks his wife:.
- Daragoy, slyuschay, you gave birth to him, or tied?.
A young man walks into a bar and sees a beautiful girl out there, comes up to her and says:.
- Hey, baby, let me fuck you?.
Baby gets up, gives him a knee between his legs, he bent, she takes the bar with bottle and smashes it to him on the head, dude drops, baby begins to beat his feet on the face, the stomach, the ribs. She then transplanted out. A few minutes later the guy gets up with difficulty, again, comes up to her and says:.
- I take it in your mouth will not get you too?.
- Honey, do you remember the phrase: ' There must be some mystery in a woman! '?.
- Yes, darling, what?.
- After 9 months you learn otgadku.
Went to the drugstore man, bought 500 condoms, went to the middle of the room, and began their rasskidal hard trample. Will gather vendors, called the head. He asks:.
- Man what are you doing?.
and he says:.
- So five years ago I quit smoking!.
How to define a when washing dishes, and Quaternary ubipat in kvaptipe? .
- Honey, what do you love me - peach or an orange?.
- You're in the store?.
- No, I'm at the pharmacy.
They talk to the children of new Russian.
- To me yesterday, Santa Claus came.
- Yes, all this garbage, it is not real.
- This, I checked.
- What is it?.
- I asked him - how much is Maiden at night, and he said - a hundred bucks. We immediately see that out of the woods - the price - it does not know a damn.
Man comes to the pharmacy:.
- Give me a pack of scumbag!.
saleswoman:.
- Man, as can be polite?.
- Give a pack of condoms!.
- Well, more polite?.
- Please give me a roll of notes contraceptives!.
- A modest possible?.
A guy gets his noodle, puts on the counter and says:.
- Put a gentleman!.
Getting married should be at least to find out why this should not have done.
Are two blondes on the street. Suddenly, one finds a beautician, lifts, opens, and muses:.
- Hmm, a familiar face?.
Another takes her makeup bag:.
- You fool, that's me!.
There is a wild boar in the woods. Inflated such a large. All animals are afraid, trembling. The crow flies past, trembling all over, like a wild boar did not do it! .
- Winnie the Pooh You see?.
- DDA! .
- Well, call it here! .
The question of the Armenian Radio:.
- What's common between a mini- skirt and veil?.
- And what else helps and ugly girls hiding their faces!.
The programmer wakes with a hangover, turned on its side - next to the girl:.
- Oops! .
In kindergarten:.
- And now Dima tells you a story ' case in the forest ', which he invented.
- I'm not invented. They really were bare!.
There are two parrots.
- Who are you?.
- I have a blue budgie.
- Why blue?.
- I love pigeons.
- And why the wavy?.
- When love is worried.
Little Johnny comes to the father and says:.
- Dad, as far as a tube of toothpaste?.
- I do not know why?.
- Now know, the whole hallway and half the kitchen.
The secretary asked the chief:.
- Why is your wife with me so suspiciously looks?.
- Because she was once my secretary....
- Will you marry me?.
- No!.
- Well, come out for me!.
- I think.
- Oh, please, come out for me!.
- And to hell with you. Get out!.
The team ...
biology lesson. The teacher:.
- Little Johnny, tell the whole class how to breed earthworms?.
- Dividing, Antonina Petrovna.
- And more detail?.
- shovel.
The patient comes to the doctor optometrist:.
- Doctor, I have a very strange case of color blindness. I do not see a color.
- What is it?.
- Well, how am I to know, Doctor! .
- Never give up, because every pawn can reach the end of the board and become a queen.
- Or a horse - all depends on the make-up.
Vovochku take into Pioneers:.
- How do you study?.
- Horoshist!.
- Senior helping?.
- And what about....
- With whom do you live?.
Little Johnny blushed:.
- Yes there is, on the one....
The girl in the store selects a mask for the masquerade - ball New Year:.
- And there is the gray crocodile mask how much it costs?.
- $ 10!.
- And there's one green?.
- A girl, go right! .
Advertising:.
- Do you have a speech impediment? .
From binge need to go gently, carefully looking around - do not go out there.
it someone else....
- By the way, I'm the fastest man in Moscow.
- How do you know?.
- The girl told my.
The horse - is the only animal in which you can drive nails.
' You are good fellows watered, feed, bath-house in the vaults, and then it tortured ' - so that's uncomplicated way Russian heroes bred girls on the simple grub, vodka and sauna.
If you want to know the depth of the human soul, then spit in his soul, and count the seconds until you get in the face.
The worst form of allergies seen in Palestine. The citizens of this country simply does not terper.
are its neighbors - Israel. Getting to Israel, the Palestinians blow up.
Family life has become a routine? .
refresh your relationship! .
- What do we have for dinner?.
- Bean soup.
- And the second?.
- Activated Carbon.
It is hard to believe, but there were times when a girl could cause a shock to the phrase ' And we saw the color of your panties...'.
Each year, pick up Dragon ten most beautiful girls. Annoyed by his kind of life... ' Give me, said to me the most beautiful boy! '.
Swear the husband and wife. Already all the relatives of each other have touched.
The wife says:.
- And that my father had something done to you?.
husband:.
- Tibyanah!.
A group of people playing. poker. There comes a time in the game when a lot of players improve their hand. Naturally, the bank has grown significantly. The queue of one young man to have their say.
- Lord, I have run out of money, but I'll call my father, he will bring. Rises from the table and goes into another room and call his father.
- Dad, we're playing poker. I ran out of money. The bank is very large, and the opponents, certainly good hands, but fortunately, I have a flash piano - fetch, please Money.
After some time the father comes. Son stares cards, puts them back in silence and begins to spread in batches bucks in the bank. Opponents saw a picture of fold. Father and son take the bank and removed.
- Daddy, why are you scared of a big bet?! .
- Son, I see you did not understand. basic rules of poker.
1) When you win, be noble - not stripped to the skin of opponents.
2) Never say aloud their cards, even in another room. And, three diamonds and two hearts - it's not a royal flush!.
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